


Pale Hands Holding an Apple

by luna_trancy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Humor, M/M, Parody, Twilight Parody, horny eren, super horny eren, this should not be taken seriously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-09 16:48:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/luna_trancy/pseuds/luna_trancy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eren is a super horny teenager.  And Levi may be a vampire....</p><p> </p><p>About three things I was absolutely positive:</p><p>One, my name was Eren Jaeger, because how could I not know my own name.</p><p>Two, Levi was a vampire. Yeah, I know that makes no sense but I swear just read on, it'll make sense eventually.</p><p>Third, I was hopelessly, knew-better-than-to-let-this-happen, irrevocably in love with him. Like, I wanted his dick down my throat in love with him.</p><p>Fuck.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not a serious writer. I'm sorry.  
> A friend and I were talking about AUs once and we came up with this idea. It's purely for fun and purely a parody.

_About three things I was absolutely positive:_

_One, my name was Eren Jaeger, because how could I not know my own name._

_Two, Levi was a vampire. Yeah, I know that makes no sense but I swear just read on, it'll make sense eventually._

_Third, I was hopelessly, knew-better-than-to-let-this-happen, irrevocably in love with him. Like, I wanted his dick down my throat in love with him._

_Fuck._

_~_

I'd never thought about how I would die. I mean, I have before, usually while Armin drove because he's terrible at driving and getting into the car with him is usually a bad idea. I'm not even sure he's old enough to be driving and whoever let him pass driver's ed should be fired. But that's how I thought I would die.

Not staring into the eyes of a hunter. Or a warrior. Whatever.

But dying in place of someone I loved seemed like an ok-way to do it. I honestly preferred to go in my sleep at an old age but dying for someone you love is good, too.

But fuck, I was going to die. Fuck.

~~~~~~~~~

Chapter One

My mom was driving me to the airport. We lived in Arizona, hot and dry as hell Arizona. And as fate would have it, I'm moving up to Forks, Washington. Of all places. I googled it and it's apparently super cold and rainy. I'll probably go in to some sort of shock from the weather change, but that's okay mom. It's totally fine.

My name is Eren Jaeger and I'm sixteen years old. It's August, so school is about to start soon and my parents picked this time to ship me across the U.S. Like any other living person, I have color to my skin so if you were expecting an awkward pale teenager living in Arizona just stop reading because you're not getting that shit. I'm also not a girl. I just wanted to throw that out there.

So my mom is driving me to the airport and why? Because she's moving in with her boyfriend-soon-to-be-husband Hannes. I think he plays baseball. Let's go with that. And yes, I could move with her. It wouldn't be a big deal to me. But apparently me sticking around is going to hinder her or something. So it only makes logical sense for me—her son—to move across the country to go live with my estranged dad in rainy as fuck Forks.

Because I will hinder my mom by being her son. Yep.

We said our final goodbyes before I boarded the plane. I'm not going to bore you about the plane ride. It was cold, there was a snotty baby and I really just fell asleep instantly.

No, let me instead bore you with my arrival to Forks.

My dad, Grisha, came to pick me up. It was just a lot of awkward hellos and him hugging me. Or trying to hug me. It was this weird one-armed thing that disappearing dads do. Did I mention he was the Chief of Police here? Okay, well now you know.

I have a cop dad so there goes my chance to stay out late and party. Maybe.

"So…how have things been here in Nowhere Land?" I asked, not interested.

"The same."

"Cool."

"Mr. Kirschtein is in a wheel chair now."

"That sucks."

I don't remember a Mr. Kirschtein and I'm pretty sure Grisha just made that up. I know that there's a son, Jean, and that he was a little asshat the last time I was here. But I'm pretty sure he didn't have a dad. But I'm not going to argue with this.

Grisha's house was the same. It was a nice two-bedroom little place. He even took the time to set up my room. I'm not the biggest fan of purple but wow, he still took the fucking time to make my room. And the colors can always be changed.

I turned around and smiled at him. "Thanks, Grisha."

"Don't make it gay,Eren."

~~~~~~~~~

School started on Monday so on that Sunday Grisha presented me with a truck. Like an actual driving vehicle. Which was really nice of him too. It wasn't a Viper but I'm also sixteen, why would I need something super expensive and in a small place like this? No, this truck would do just fine. And I was actually really grateful for it.

"Thanks, Grisha, I really appreciate—"

"Don't make it gay, Eren, fuck."

That was the truck exchange.

~~~~~~~~~

So the high school was tiny. Just over 300 people in total. And everyone seemed pretty nice. I could be an anti-social asshole and ignore everyone trying to be my friend but that would be fucking stupid. But because the town was so small, everyone knew everyone and their dog. Everyone practically grew up with each other, so they had their friends. So being new, I stuck out (I was tall (ish), athletic, tan, dark hair and green eyes, I stuck out). Like I said before though, everyone was nice and everyone was pretty welcoming.

In my second period class, I met a girl named Mikasa. She had all the books for the class already (where the hell did she even get the books? We got our syllabus for the class that day and she was halfway through the workbook) and she didn't mind me reading along with her. I think we both knew—just from the few seconds that we spoke—that me bumming off her books would be a daily thing. I always left my books at home. And she obviously didn't.

She was my ticket to passing my math class.

"Don't fall asleep," Mikasa hissed at me. I snorted awake. Only a math teacher would seriously try to teach on the first day of class.

"I'm not."

"Don't lie."

"Fine, yeah, I was asleep."

Mikasa rolled her eyes and kept scribbling. Oh, she had neat handwriting. This was really good.

Gym class was the last period of the day and I was fucking excited. I may be near-illiterate and I may not understand equations, but I was fucking great at sports.

"Move the fuck out of the way, coconut head!" I shouted, rather viciously (oops), at this little blonde thing on the court. I didn't really feel bad for him. The teacher explained the rules of dodgeball, I had raging hormones and I just needed to throw stuff.

So I threw the ball in my hand and it landed square in the poor kid's face. He made a squealing noise and fell. Some guy with a shaved head (I think his name was Connie?) nearly shit himself laughing. I didn't really feel bad but I also didn't want the coach to come yell at me on my first day.

Swallowing my pride, I walked over to the close-to-tears blonde kid and patted him on the shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?"

"Ah…yeah, I'm fine," the kid said, rubbing his red face. "Oh, you're the new guy. Eren…?"

"Yeah."

"I'm Armin," he said, getting to his feet. "I think you're in my English class…"

So dodgeball was great until Mikasa joined and almost broke my nose. But overall, my first day of school wasn't half bad.

Second day of school. Yeah…

I sat with Mikasa and Armin at lunch. Out of everyone, they were the two I had really clicked with the most. Some other friends of theirs walked over though: Connie, the kid with the shaved head, and his girlfriend, Sasha. She stood a little taller than him and kept picking food off his plate. Two more girls joined our table, Ymir and Christa, and I'm pretty sure they're a thing too.

So the seven of us settled down to eat and things were going pretty great. But then the door opened and the room grew tense.

The first girl that walked in was small and petite, strawberry blonde hair and was really pretty. The guy on her arm looked painfully confused and uncomfortable and—what the fuck, was he bleeding from his mouth?

"What the fuck?" I muttered, nodding my head in their general direction. Armin leaned over to explain.

"That's Auruo, the guy, and the girl is Petra," he said.

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why the fuck is she with him?"

"Eren!" Mikasa snapped, kicking his leg.

The two of them were in their own world. The second pair that walked in was a better match, in my opinion. A tall girl with glasses and a dark-blond guy on her arm. The girl seemed a bit of a livewire and the guy looked like he was about to have a heart attack.

"That's Hanji and Moblit," Mikasa explained in my other ear. "They're all part of the Smith-family."

"Who's that?" I asked.

"Erwin Smith is the doctor here," Armin said. "And he has foster-adopted kids. But they're all sort of dating each other too, I think."

"Ew," I muttered. "But I guess that fills some taboo-kinks for people."

Armin and Mikasa shrugged in agreement and went back to their food. I was about to, too, but the door opened a third time. And I shit you not, it felt like the entire world suddenly stopped.

The final guy to walk in was fucking perfect. He looked like a total asshole, like he was way too good to even be in the presence of a bunch of little brats.

"Who's that?" I breathed.

Armin looked up and Connie snorted.

"That's Levi," Ymir said, "but he doesn't date, apparently."

I craned my neck to look back at him and fuck he was looking back at me. He sat down at the table with his other siblings (or whatever they were) and they all just seemed to stare at their food. I couldn't blame them; cafeteria food sucked. But at least I tried to eat it. They were completely turning their noses up at it.

I can't say that I'm subtle. I'm actually the opposite. I was almost turned completely around in my chair, staring this Levi guy down. There was no way he was in high school. He looked older than everyone in the school. Maybe he was a dumbass? It didn't matter, I wanted to fuck him.

But it wasn't a behind-the-gym sort of fuck that I wanted. It was more of a blow-job-in-the-car-on-a-Friday-then-sneak-me-into-your-room-for-a-pounding fuck. Something meaningful.

"Eren, stop staring," Mikasa said, shaking my arm.

"You're not my mom!"

Eventually I turned around, just as Levi shrugged off his jacket. And damn, he had arms. Nice, tone muscles and his chest was broad and I just fell back to staring.

"Oh no," I muttered, "he's really hot."

And on that second day at school I realized that I wanted to fuck Levi (Smith?) until I cried.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The adventure of horny teenager Eren in Forks continues  
> This time, with more Levi

Have you ever wanted to eat someone because they looked so delicious? Not in the Hannibal Lector cannibal way but in a more Ke$ha _Cannibal_ way. Everything about them is just so perfect and looks so scrumptious (I learned that word from Armin in English) that you want to bite them. Bite them while having really dirty sex with super awesome music playing.

That was me in my science class. Because my partner was Levi.

He didn’t say much. He didn’t have to. It was obvious he was not interested in the class. And it was obvious I was not interested in the class either. But I made it clear I was curious about sexual reproduction as we studied microscopic slides of cells.

“That one is prophase,” Levi sighed, barely glimpsing into the microscope.

I scribbled something down on my paper, my eyes on him as he looked back out the window. Fuck, he was so pissy and such an asshole. But fuck, I loved it and how he ignored everyone. And how he sort of ignored me. Everyone in the class was talking with their partners, making friends. And Levi was facing the window like he hated me.

But, naturally, because he showed no real interested and because he didn’t look at me, I wanted him more. It was totally logical to find him even more attractive because of that asshole move.

“Is that the one where the cells sexually reproduce?” I asked.

“Cells don’t sexually reproduce,” he said. Again. I felt like he kept repeating himself.

“Oh…So is this one, like, anal-phase?”

Levi snatched the slide from me. “Anaphase. And no, it’s the telophase.”

He adjusted the slide on the microscope stage and slid it over to me. Gentleman. I peeked into the scope and nodded.

“Yeah, that’s cool.”

Levi flipped on the light on the microscope. “You should be able to actually see it now.”

So he probably thought I was a dumbass but I really didn’t care. He was smart, hot and my partner for science class. I was happy I was most likely going to pass the stupid class.

“Oi, your name is Eren, right?” he asked, writing something down in his workbook as he changed slides again.

“Thaaaaat’s right,” I said, tugging his paper close so I could see his answer. Let’s be honest, I was more trouble than help in this class and I’m sure he knew that too. He didn’t stop me from writing down his answer. “Eren Jaeger. And you’re Levi? Right?”

I pretended to ask like I was oblivious. I couldn’t let him know that I actually took the time to put a face with a name. How lame would that be?

“Yes,” he said sharply. “You’re the new kid. How’s that?”

“Sucks ass,” I replied, laughing. “No, it’s been fine, really. Everyone is cool. But you seem like a stick in the mud.” You should totally be a stick in my ass though, that’d be pretty cool.

“You’re peachy.”

“I know, it’s great, let’s be friends or fuck buddies?”

“No.”

“Is that no to both…? Or just the friends part?”

Levi rolled his eyes and I could have sworn I saw him smirk. It was a small, tiny glimpse of white teeth but I definitely saw it. He was amused by my sick humor.

“Not bad.”

“Thanks,” I replied. Shit, was I blushing? Doubt it…

~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Grisha,” I said, flopping down on the sofa by my dad. He had come home from the office and looked like he was finally getting a chance to relax. He raised his eyebrows at me.

“Hm?”

“Uhh…so do you know anything about the Smiths? The family that lives here,” I asked. Yeah, I was going to be a weird, stalkerish thing but I didn’t care. I had time to kill.

“Dr. Smith is a brilliant surgeon,” Grisha said. “He moved here with his kids a few years ago. And they’re good kids too. They never get into any trouble at all.”

“Are they stupid?” I asked. “I mean, they all just look really old to be in high school. Did they all flunk eighth grade a few times?”

“Eren!”

“And for a surgeon dad you’d think that one could afford some free botox. What is his name, Auruo? I’m just stating facts.”

“It’s probably best that you don’t go around them if you’re going to be a smartass.”

“That’s too late, I’m partners with one in my science class.”

“Fuck, Eren, don’t ruin the family name.”

Ruin the family name? Me? Never. I was going to fuck a rich doctor’s son. Sorry, Grisha, but I had plans on marrying rich and skipping college. But at least I would finish high school.

“Oh, dad,” I laughed, slapping his arm, “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

He caught the sarcasm in my voice and thumped me on the nose.

~~~~~~~~~

Another day of school. But this particular day sucked because Levi wasn’t there. It was a nice day too, bright and sunny. I like dreary days, don’t get me wrong, but I also miss my home in Arizona. Where it’s naturally sunny. So on a nice day, yeah, I wanted to be outside. And yeah, I tried to cut classes. But Mikasa dragged me back in and told me to do my fucking work. That happened at least four times before eleven o’clock.

At least for lunch we got to go outside.

But as I said, Levi was missing. Actually his whole weird family was missing. But they weren’t important; it was Levi I was worried about. Because when he wasn’t there at school, it meant his dick wasn’t there at school. And if his dick wasn’t there, how was I ever going to see what it looked like or tasted like.

And that bothered me.

But I wouldn’t let my need for cock ruin my day. I happily ate my lunch with my friends (of course, the cafeteria would be serving hot dogs, fuck) and outside, too.

“It’s really fucking nice out,” I said. Mikasa shook her head.

“Language.”

“What? It IS! Hey is there a theatre around here? We should all go see a movie sometime.”

“Really?” Armin asked. His eyes lit up like a Christmas tree at the suggestion.

“Yeah, why not?”

“Well…I just thought that since you’re the new kid you would want to close yourself away from everyone and be reclusive. Mope about how you have no friends and how awful your life is now that you’re here.”

“Fuck that shit. So are we going to the movies this weekend or not?”

We ended up going to the theatre that weekend and we had a very nice, lovely, no-sex-filled time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've received some pretty positive feedback for this, so I'm going to continue with it. I don't normally write first person, so if I make mistakes please tell me! I can't promise super speedy updates because of my main fics but I will form some sort of schedule for these <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren almost gets hit by a car. You know what follows after

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt bad for the sad in DL so I wanted to post this to make up for it? ;^; So for anyone who reads DL and this, this is for you?

Another cloudy day passed by. And when I say cloudy I mean it in its most literal sense. It’s not a metaphor for my poor disposition or for my dislike of everyone around me or the fact that I feel lonely. Because I, personally, feel like my disposition is just fine. And I like the majority of people around, save for a few assholes in my gym class who think they can out-sport me. But that’s pretty normal for a guy my age. I’m not lonely either because I have friends and they like me. 

No, when I say cloudy there were actual clouds in the sky. The sky was literally grey, there was no sun and that meant Levi was at school.

Weird, sexy motherfucker.

I found it odd that Levi and his entire Smith-clan would disappear on sunny days. I figured their dad must be a weirdo and from what I heard they would go hiking. Levi didn’t strike me as the hiking type but I didn’t question it either. It wasn’t my business and I wouldn’t obsess over where he went.

All that mattered was that he was at school now and that meant I could look at his face. And better imagine it between my legs.

He didn’t say much, but he never really said much other than an occasional, angry “fuck” or “fuck off”. But today, he told me “How the fuck are you” instead of just snorting at me in disgust. Honestly, it was an improvement and that was progress. 

Why do I like this asshole again? 

I remembered when I saw his arms and the muscles naturally flex when he raised his hand to rub his neck in annoyance. And fuck, his jawline was amazing. He had nice collarbones (he was wearing a v-neck shirt, thank God) and his shoulders looked sturdy, like you could rest your legs on them for hours and he’d never get tired.

Perfect. And in case it wasn’t obvious, the fantasy theme for the day was a sloppy blow job.

School ended and I was awkwardly turned on because of Levi, but also a little pissed off because of all the homework I had. That was an awful combination being single: angry and horny. Fucking hormones.

I walked to my truck, my backpack slung over my shoulder. As I crossed the parking lot, I saw Levi walking in my direction. His eyes were down, focused on his phone, and he was muttering to himself. I guess he had forgotten something in the building. Whatever it was, he looked pissed off. 

I hurried to my truck and leaned against it, pulling out my own phone. I stuck my ass out and arched my back shamelessly, pretending like I was busy on my phone. He would pass by me and there was no way he would be able to ignore me. I was still in my gym uniform, the shorts showing off my legs and the sleeves of the shirt baring my arms. I wasn’t quite as built as he was, but damn I was still hot.

And sure enough, Levi looked up as he drew closer. He scrunched up his eyebrows, looking me over. I had no idea what his aroused face looked like but I assumed, hopefully that?

He was in the process of rolling his eyes when there was a screeching of breaks and screams of onlookers. 

There was rain on the blacktop and the concrete had been wet enough to make everything fucking slick. I looked around as Armin’s car came sliding in my direction, too fast to even properly react. I winced, terrified and knowing I would die (I told you I would die by Armin’s fucking driving) but the impending crash never came. 

Instead, cold arms held me to a firm chest. I was low to the concrete but not touching it. When I looked up I saw a perfect jawline and a gorgeous throat that I needed to suck and leave hickeys everywhere on. 

Levi was holding me with one arm, his other pressed against Armin’s stupid car.

I was torn. Should I dwell on the fact that Levi had somehow stopped a fucking moving car with one hand and saved me? Or should I focus on the fact that he was close and smelled delicious? It was a true struggle but I settled.

“You saved me,” I breathed, my eyes still locked on him.

“No shit.”

“I should reward you,” I continued, “You can fuck me.”

“No.”

“Fuck.”

~~~~~~~~~

I was rushed to a medical clinic because everyone was flipping their shit, even though I felt fine. I had half a bruise on my arm, but it was all. Literally. I wasn’t hurt or aching. But I had to be checked for concussions and internal bleeding and a busted appendix.

Not really, just a concussion.

I sat on the edge of the bed in the small clinic after the nurse had checked me. I was bored, tapping my fingers against my knee. All she did was put a bandaid on my head.

From the hallway I heard Grisha’s voice and a second later, the door to the room opened. I can’t say I was completely upset.

Yeah, Grisha was there and yeah he was upset and worried and everything any father would be. But let’s skip him and go straight to the doctor standing behind him.

This guy had cheekbones to die for. Tall, blond hair and blue eyes with well-kept eyebrows. He smiled and looked down at his clipboard.

“So you’re Mr. Jaeger’s son?”

“Eren, this is Dr. Erwin Smith,” Grisha announced.

“Oh,” I breathed.

So this was the Erwin Smith in charge of the Smith family. Levi’s “dad”, Erwin. Levi was hot, but fuck Erwin was hot too. But in a hot dad sort of way hot. I’d call him daddy any day.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Eren,” Erwin said, stepping forward. “How are you feeling?”

“Yeah.”

Erwin blinked and laughed a little. “I’m sorry?”

“I mean…yeah, I’m good,” I repeated. Fuck, how could I look stupid in front of him too? Why was this family attractive? Well, except Auruo. 

“Very good,” Erwin said, pulling some instrument from the pocket of his coat. He pressed a cold, firm finger to my chin and tilted my head up. “Say ‘ahh’ please.”

“Ahh,” I hummed. I could only imagine the dirty roleplaying we could do.

Dr. Hot Dad telling me to be a good boy and say ‘ahh’. Oh yes. Everything about this situation was giving me chills. It was the type of dirty fantasy that was absolutely wrong but I needed it to be a real thing. Preferably with Levi walking in, getting mad and joining us. 

Back to reality, Erwin was checking my throat and then checked my eyes.

“Well, you look fine, Eren,” Erwin said softly.

“Yeah, so do you.”

“Hm?”

“Godammit, Eren!” Grisha shouted. And I had been trying so hard.

~~~~~~~~~

That night was the first night I dreamed of Levi.

And by dream I mean I fantasized while jacking off under the blankets of my bed.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren gets invited to go on a little trip and he tries a new approach with our super sexy mystery man Levi *eyebrow waggle*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1) I see a lot of comments for the "Don't make it gay, Eren" from Grisha and it's a direct reference to the AoT Abridged series xD And if you haven't watched it, GO WATCH IT NOW (that's sort of how I'm picturing Connie and Armin in this entire thing too by the way). 2) Did I really make a reference to Danger Line in this? Yes, yes I did because I'm a little shit <3 Enjoy~

A few days later, I received some news. Apparently there was going to be a dance in a few months. Now, normally I wouldn’t really go for this sort of thing. Dances just aren’t how I like to spend my Friday nights. It’s not that I couldn’t get a date or that I didn’t have a group of friends to go with, it’s just that back home we’d rather stay in and play Black Ops or Halo. And if we were really feeling aggressive, we’d play Mario Kart.

That, however, usually ended with someone getting the shit knocked out of them.

But I had moved to a new state and a new school. I figured a dance wouldn’t be dreadful. It was a good opportunity to hang out with the people of my school. I probably wouldn’t have a date (it’s not that I’m pessimistic, I just know that people have their relationships and have probably already talked about this with their friends) so I wondered if going with Armin and Mikasa was an option.

But if I could choose a date, it would definitely, without a doubt, be Levi.

And I would want a prom-type date. One where we go, steal some booze from our parents, go rent a hotel room and get wasted. Then I’d ride him all night and deep into morning and he’d love every second of it.

Except there wouldn’t be a graduation. Just us fucking again the following Monday. Behind the bleachers. Skipping class. That sort of thing.

I sighed.

“Hey Eren!”

I looked up from the book I was pretending to read. It was during a free period (okay it wasn’t that free, we were in the library to study or something, I wasn’t paying attention) and Levi was sitting across the room from me. He had his face in a book, but I was still trying. I was trying a sexy librarian thing (I may or may not have borrowed Grisha’s reading glasses for personal reasons). I looked up at Armin over the top of the glasses and pulled them off.

“What’s up?”

“Umm…are you going to the dance?”

“I don’t know. Why?”

“Well…uhh…I…”

“Armin wants to ask you out,” Connie whispered, leaning over his chair. Armin squealed and I pushed Connie away. The librarian shushed us, making WAY more racket than the three of us.

“Well…”

I pulled out a chair for Armin to sit down and he did, still looking away.

“Armin,” I said, “you’re my friend. And I was sort of hoping maybe me, you and Mikasa could all go together. In a group, you know? That way it’ll be the three of us and no one gets awkwardly left out.”

“It’s going to be awkward with three people,” Connie added.

“Shut—the fuck—up, Connie!” I yelled, slamming my hand down.

The librarian shushed and huffed at us again. I rolled my eyes, catching Levi’s scornful, judgmental gaze. Like he was telling me to shut the fuck up with only his eyes. 

Yes please.

“As I was saying, Armin, we should all go together,” I finished. Armin smiled, still a little nervous. But he looked more relaxed now.

“That actually sounds like a good idea, Eren,” he said. “Umm…one more thing…”

Fuck, Levi was hot. Like really hot. It should be illegal to be that damn hot and not be in my pants. It was like everything was just trash and below him. Fuck, I wanted to be below him. Why was this asshole so fascinating? What was it about him? I was a dumbass with a dumb crush but it was just really hard. The struggle to not get naked every time I saw him was real.

Oh yeah, Armin was talking.

“What?”

“Oh…um…well…this weekend we’re all…”

“We’re all going down to La Trost,” Connie said, leaning back.

“I told you to—wait, what?” I asked.

“Yeah, the Kirschteins live down there,” Connie explained. “We go down there to go see Jean. And by “we” I mean Armin, Sasha, me…”

“Everyone important in our class, okay,” I said. I tilted my head in Levi’s general direction. “So…will the Smiths go? Actually, no I don’t care if they go. Will Levi go?”

“You’re not subtle about this.”

“Like I give a fuck. Is he going?”

Connie shook his head. “Nah, the Smiths never go down there.”

Fuck.

“Oh well. But yeah, sure I’ll go. May as well.”

I glanced back to Levi and he was shaking his head like he was embarrassed to hear the entire conversation. As if he could hear the entire conversation. At least he couldn’t read minds.

~~~~~~~~~

Later on in the week, I made my move. I didn’t want to seem too needy, so I waited until Wednesday to talk to Levi. Hell, I had to keep him mildly interested, right? Of course I talked to him during class (he was my biology partner and I had no fucking idea what was even going on in that class) but outside of class I didn’t bother.

Until Wednesday like I said. 

“Hey, are you going to La Trost this weekend?” I asked, once our class was over. He rolled his eyes and then looked up at me as he packed his bag. “You should come.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah, I heard practically everyone in the class was going,” I said as he got to his feet. He started to walk and for such a short little shit, he walked fast.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to,” he snarked back, pushing the door to the room open. I followed and hello ass of perfection.

“Oh. Whatever floats your boat,” I shrugged.

He stopped walking, looking at me close. “You’re not going to keep pestering me and asking me why?”

“Why would I do that?” I laughed. “You already gave me a reason. It’s not really my place to keep bothering you, right? Well, at least not about the same thing. That isn’t sex.”

A look came over Levi’s face. One of shock, maybe? I guess he was used to people prying or whatever. 

“Thank you.”

I gasped. “You actually said something remotely nice?”

He rolled his eyes and started to walk, this time slower. I followed again, walking at his side instead of behind him.

“So you’re really going down to La Trost?” Levi asked. I nodded.

“Yeah, it can’t hurt, right? My classmates were nice enough to ask so I may as well,” I replied.

“That’s…very optimistic of you.”

“Heh, thanks,” I chuckled. Wow, he was actually talking to me. And we were having an actual conversation that lasted more than “fuck me” and “no, fuck off”.

We chatted at the lockers; he put away his books first and then walked with me (I repeat: he walked with me) to my locker and we kept talking. About nothing in particular but we spoke. And he was actually relaxed enough to take a mild interest in what I was saying?

“So, you’re adopted, right?”

“That’s a way to put it, yeah,” Levi replied, lazily watching me throw my books into my locker. One would fall out, taking with it a pile of papers. It was a constant, stupid cycle of trying to shove papers into the locker and keep the books balanced just right. “Irwin took me in along with my other siblings.”

“That’s sort of cool. Were you a good little kid?”

“I was basically a street thug.”

“Shit. Nevermind.”

That would explain the foul mouth at least. I managed to get my locker closed and picked up my backpack. And he was still waiting and so patiently too. We walked down the hallway and through the school doors.

“I’m just curious,” I said as we walked to the car, “why are you talking to me? You never talk to me.”

Levi shrugged. “You were polite enough to ask if I wanted to go to La Trost. Well…you actually just told me to come, but I figured it’s because you’re a little shit like that. But it was thoughtful.”

“Well, you’re welcome,” I said, slinging my arm onto the back of the truck. Levi rolled his eyes.

“But I think it may be best, if you keep your distance from me.”

“HUH!? What the fuck?”

“I’m not good fucking company, brat.”

“And? Neither am I.”

“I’ve noticed.”

I huffed, folding my arms. If only he knew that I was really a decent person. And if he gave me a chance, I’d blow his mind; I mean that in a literal and metaphorical (learned that word from Armin) sense. I’d literally suck him dry and he’d have the time of his life.

“I’m sort of…dangerous, I guess.”

“What, like a hitman? I like danger, I can handle it.”

“Fuck, you’re a dumbass.”

“I think it’s a legitimate question. It would explain why you can move so fast. Thanks again for saving my ass the other day.”

“Brat, I’m not some fucking hero.”

“Then bend me over your knee, call me Harley and spank the fuck out of me because I will gladly be your partner in crime.”

The corner of Levi’s mouth twitched. I swear to God I saw it. He tried to hide that little smirk but I saw it and he was amused—actually amused for once.

I saw my chance and I took it.

“You keep that in mind,” I said with a wink, turning away and walking to the door of my truck. I could see Levi’s expression in the mirror. And damn he looked dumbfounded. 

He was fucking confused and lost. I caught his attention and left him hanging. I had just pulled a verbal bend and snap and Levi was still wondering just what hit him. Yeah, that’s right. I wasn’t all about the chase. 

I knew had to be chased, too.

I looked behind me, to make sure I wouldn’t hit anyone as I reversed, and pushed down on the pedal. But in all my haughtiness, I had put the truck in drive. It flew forward, hitting the fence in front of me. 

“Fuck!”

I looked around. Everyone saw it. And across the parking lot, I saw Levi trying not to laugh again.

I may be a dumbass after all. But I was a dumbass who got Levi to laugh.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They go to La Trost. And Eren hears a *frightening* tale.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to dedicate this to my bby Snow Whites Poison Kiss for staying on my ass for the last month about updating this. THIS CHAPTER IS FOR YOU OKAY. And a shoutout to khimairan for talking about Twilight WTFS with me last night x3 I'm sorry this took forEVER to get updated but here it is!! Enjoy! <3

So La Trost is a real place. I know, just wait, before I get into this trip just let it be known that La Trost exists. It’s a small reserve that’s not incredibly far from the city. A little beach town, but because it’s so cold, getting in the water was completely out of the question.

Did that stop Connie’s dumbass from running to the water as soon as he was out of the car? No. No, it did not. And no, I did not give him one of my jackets. I was cold as fuck and we all told him not to go.

I also got in the water but I was smart enough not to get my jackets wet. That’s basic knowledge.

But we settled down and Armin asked me something about a driftwood fire. Now, I’m no rocket scientist but I’m pretty sure driftwood comes from the ocean. And that means it’s wet. And generally, wet wood (I want to make a sex joke but I just can’t) doesn’t catch fire.

As everyone gathered around to light a miniature beach fire, I decided not to question this too much. It was a relaxing day. There was no need to argue or fight or cause any unnecessary thinking. The fire was warm, we were all happy and passing around a bag of marshmallows, to accompany our sandwich lunches.

Unless you absolutely hated being outside and you’re super antisocial then there would be no reason to hate this. Or I guess maybe the cold or allergies, whatever.

Besides the class, a few other people joined us. Some guy named Thomas, a guy named Franz, his girlfriend, Hannah, and then this Twilight Sparkle looking douchebag whose name I didn’t bother to pick up. But as people began to scatter around, going off in pairs of twos and threes, I decided I didn’t want to hang around with people I really didn’t know. I was there to chill with my friends, after all.

I was about to chase after Armin and Mikasa, who were making their way to the water, when that guy made his way over to sit by me.

Now I could go on, in an awkward teenage, hormone-fueled monologue, about how smooth his skin was and about how bold his cheekbones were and how soft his hair looked and how much of a pretty face he had. But I’m not. Because this guy looked two hooves short of being on My Little Pony. I’m pretty sure he had a cutie mark (read: tramp stamp) somewhere and like fuck if I was getting close enough to find out.

I took a sip of my beer (oh yeah, Mikasa brought beer) and stared him down.

“You’re Eren Jaeger, aren’t you?”

There was something about the way he said my name that pissed me off and turned me on at the same time. “Yeah.”

“I’m Jean Kirschtein.”

“Oh! You’re Mr. Kirschtein’s son!” I still didn’t believe in the existence of the fabled Mr. Kirschtein, but for the sake of not looking like a total dumbass I went with it.

We ended up talking about cars. Just general chit-chat. Nothing too deep. Connie and Sasha came back, holding more marshmallows, accompanied by chocolate and graham crackers. I was all for s’mores at the moment.

“It sort of sucks that none of the Smiths could come down here,” Sasha said between bites. I don’t know how she managed to make and eat five s’more sandwiches in less than two minutes. I was sure I had witnessed a world record be broken and had failed to record it. But Jean grew really tense in a way someone does when they’ve had too much chili and need to run to the bathroom.

“The Smiths don’t come here,” he said, ending the conversation. Sasha shrugged.

“Okay but why?” I asked. As if I cared the conversation was ended. 

Jean narrowed his eyes. “Because. They don’t.”

He stood up, brushing his hands off on his jeans (haha) and started to trot away like I had broken his circle of magic and friendship. I hurried after him, abandoning my s’mores to Sasha.

“Did they violate some law? Did one of them have public sex and get banned? Did one of them jack off into the water? I bet it was Auruo.”

“Eren.”

“You know he doesn’t get laid. What happened?”

“I’m not really supposed to be talking about this,” Jean said. I snorted.

“Like seriously, who am I even going to tell?”

We stood at the water’s edge, the cool wind blowing through our hair. He sighed and gestured for me to follow. We walked to some dark rocks, sitting on the shore. He sat down first and patted the space next to him. Like what the fuck, man? It’s like he’s trying to get me to watch some scary ass movie with him on his sofa. We’re not twelve.

“Do you like scary stories?” he asked.

We may be twelve.

I sat down, careful not to fall into the water. “Sure.”

“Alright, so…legend has it that we’re descendents of horses, brought over from France.”

I stared, blankly, and suddenly remembered the golden rule of kindergarten. There were three types of girls.

Those who loved dragons.

Those who loved wolves.

Those who loved horses.

It was apparent Jean fell into that last group. This was what I had feared, coming to a new state. Not the new school. Not the weather. Not living with my awkward as fuck dad. But meeting a brony. A real life brony. And the only fucking brony in the state of Washington was sitting next to me with this excited grin on his almost-cute face.

It was a nightmare (no horse pun intended). This was a scary story.

“But then there are those known as the cold ones,” he continued, still stoic. “The ones not allowed to step foot on this land. According to the legends, my great-great grandfather made a treaty with the cold ones to keep them off our land.”

“Fuck…”

“They are our natural enemies, the cold ones. But the particular clan that came here, when my ancestor was alive, was different. They didn’t prey on innocent people. So they were allowed to live here as long as they stayed away from here.”

“So…the Smiths? You haven’t explained them yet. I take it they’re descendents of that clan?”

“Supposedly, they are that same clan,” Jean concluded.

It was obvious Jean had taken the “magic” in “Friendship is Magic” too seriously. But I nodded along because I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

“So what is a cold one?” I humored him. I had to.

“A vampire.”

“Sexy.”

“Eren.”

I threw my hands up. Levi was already hot. But let’s take a moment to imagine an au with vampire Levi. Hell, fucking, yes. And by vampire I mean an Anne Rice-Lestat vampire. Throw me on the bed, spank my ass, bite my shoulders and make me your bitch, type of vampire. Not some lame-ass sparklepire.

Hell yes.

But I nudged Jean with my raised hand, a gesture of good humor, but apparently pushed too hard. He lost his balance and fell right into the water like some dumb klutz. He stood up, shaking his hands off and glared at me.

“Sorry!” I cried. “And I really mean it. I’m not just saying it.”

“Yeah, whatever. Give me one of your jackets to wear so I don’t fucking freeze,” he said, pulling his shirt off over his head.

I unzipped my jacket and looked up to hand it to him. His face may be just cute but his body was lean, toned and muscular. I felt my stomach tighten as he put on my jacket and I reached out to stop him, hand pressed against his hard abs. 

“Uhhh…Eren?”

“Oh no,” I whispered, eyes filled with despair and locked on the V-shape of his hips. “You’re hot too.”

Life wasn’t fair.


End file.
